Welcome back, dear readers, after this long hiatus. As we reconnect, it’s important to acknowledge that time has a way of reshaping our perspectives, altering the language we use to express our thoughts, and molding our understanding of the world. The passage of time brings with it a subtle evolution in how we perceive and portray various situations. So, as we embark on this journey of reading the following article together, let’s embrace the nuances of change and explore the fresh insights that await us. A lot has changed since I have written about an exceptional topic, but it gave me a different lens to look at so many life lessons that one goes through.
There are countless stories that depict the challenges of breakups, the journeys people undertake, and the lessons they learn from them. What you are about to read is similar and relatable, but it will also transform you in a unique way.
Let’s dive in. Have you ever felt that you have no time to grieve because you are overwhelmed by your career, responsibilities, priorities, and promises? What I’ve come to realize is that life has these ‘checkpoints’ where much is taken from you, leaving only experiences to reflect on later. It seems unfair, doesn’t it?
Hold on, I think I am putting the cart before the horse here. First, let’s step and understand what is to be in a world being with ‘someone special’.
If you ask yourself that question, you will come across various answers, but this is what I believe. As a human, through months and years, you keep polishing yourself with new comforts or barriers. You try to tap into those parts of your brain cells that you never knew existed, you break open gates to those undiscovered land patches that you never thought of digging into. After all the excavations, you collect the raw feeds and try to carve something ‘special’ for that ‘someone’, present it like a crown and have it placed with all the respect, dignity, and trust. After which, you hope the crown serves its purpose
Time is on a stoppage; every day it feels like a wheel that you hope never wears out. It’s a constant effort to make that person feel that your existence has a deeper meaning after you met them, and your only aim is to just see them smile. That one smile can make your day like no other. Efforts are to its peak, their sense of makeup might be oblivious to you, however, you just want a illustration of them to rest your eyes and know that this is the person you have chosen. Their thoughts become yours, their dreams become your passion to fulfill. Lifestyles becomes dynamic, you forgot what you used to be and adapt to things to please them in every possible way. You’ll always remember things about your partner, whether big or small, if not all, then at least a few important ones, because you want them to know they can rely on you when they’re struggling. Moreover, luck just follows wherever you go, places, timings, things become achievable.
You want to make that person the central focus of your life. Every decision and every thought revolve around their best interest. They possess something that makes you want to be open and adaptable. Every heart has hidden depths, and as they are important to you, you want to uncover them. It’s like discovering an ancient treasure unknown to others, and when you do, it feels like you’re fulfilling a dream you’ve always cherished. That person becomes your responsibility, and everything they do or say is deeply intertwined with your thoughts and emotions. Additionally, getting to a point of total nirvana is seeing them be successful in their career, helping them in each way by being their stepping stone and guiding them through each stage of their life.
And then comes the ‘CHECKPOINT’ that takes it all away in just a moment and leaves you with a lesson or an experience
State of mind (known or unknown): before the breakup
Navigating this journey is like driving on a freshly paved road that unexpectedly hits patches of gravel and potholes, making the ride suddenly rough and challenging. During a rough path, in a relationship, one person is conscious of their actions and the resulting consequences, while the other is unaware of what lies ahead. Before you get hit with a lot of unknowing’s, your intuition relays you information that could affect you moving forward, however, while in a state of limerence, believing nothing can go wrong, you’re nowhere but in a state of delusion. Changes in behavior of your partner are noticeable but you go beyond your belief system to ignore them. We overdo to make sure nothing goes wrong, which in contrast increases the gap of your partner putting in similar efforts. Principles are left aside; signs are ignored, and times are tested. Every altercation feels like a lifetime. You are only left to worry and think profoundly “What is happening, why the sudden change in the air”. Fluctuations in behavior such as reduced expression, decreased effort, and concealment become visible
How is your puzzled mind going to put all the pieces of a puzzle together? They are all scattered, some big, some small. Unfortunately, since you’re the only one in that situation, your worry is amassing them because once completed, you do not want erroneous things happening to the gorgeous masterpiece it would create. It’s challenging to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen, especially when you’re experiencing a roller coaster of emotions
One such overwhelming situation is seeing your beloved rescinding every step you take towards them. Not a cake walk to travel through but you’re lucky enough to observe all the layers peeling one after the other.
The another (and I would say a death-defying situation) would be them expressing the same emotion, while being knotted somewhere else.
In both situations, subtle signs emerge, marking a shift in their demeanor. You sense a growing distance, a chill in their attitude, forgetfulness about significant things, while your own feelings of love seem less reciprocated. Well again, you choose to overlook these signs, for your love transcends boundaries
You always have an option to quit but you don’t. It’s not because you cannot find someone else, it’s because giving a chance to someone is as good as not having a chance with the one you love and losing them forever.
State of mind: during the breakup
After all the efforts that you put through, you have foreseen what your future holds with that person. The only thing your heart wants is for never to see yourself in that space. It gets very lonely, all the moments in your life feel like forever. Each tear that traces its path from your eyes, cascading gently down your cheeks, until it pauses on your jawline, holds a profound symbolism of the depth of its impact, a poignant reminder of the emotions that stir within you, knowing that ‘it’s happening’
At this stage, your mind has made you aware of the possible outcomes, but you still struggle to pull back the rope harder with all the strength to avoid that ‘checkpoint’. Furthermore, you devote your full effort to nurturing that tiny spark that remains, simply to maintain the status quo. What then? can you expect the same from your partner? if not, keep reading….
State of mind: after the breakup
You come face to face with the day you’ve longed to avoid, whether it brings relief or sorrow. Each min starts with denial. You just feel like grabbing your watch and moving back the clock to when you were together.
A constant state of expectations is your living realm. Wanting things to go back to normal, wanting them to be as they were. You are grappled with sadness, anxiety, hope, and belief. Your mind endlessly quests for answers, delving into memories, wondering, “What ended it?”.
Meanwhile, you ponder: How can you salvage a relationship that has already slipped away?
And then it strikes you – second chance, that’s the answer. A triumphant ‘Eureka’ moment to calm the racing beat of your heart. You experience a heightened cellular activity and a surge of hormone secretion, creating a sensation of rejuvenation. A new phase for your mind and body wherein things seem obtainable. It feels like it’s going to be your Midas touch
You suddenly gain the energy to go right into it even stronger. An accepted approach, a common ground and a lot of dedication leads to paving a new path for the both of you. Efforts become twofold; love starts growing exponentially (for the time that you have spent apart) rushes back old memories – even stronger this time. Everything seems like a fairy tale coming true. You start moving towards ‘Relationship Goals’ and feeling for each other intensely
We soon forget, it’s a fairy tale and not reality. The test of a relationship is examined when there are situations that put you in hard conditions to walk a difficult path. Only tough decisions can help you get through. Two minds having similar goals, caste a way to the greener side of a dead forest. An analogy for the idea that some things cannot be achieved without two people is a pair of scissors. Just as a single blade of a pair of scissors is unable to cut anything on its own, some tasks or goals require the collaboration of two people to be accomplished effectively. Only when the two blades come together can they fulfill their purpose and achieve the desired result.
What are second chances exactly for then? Growing deeper than having a shallow effect after a few days, doing more than constantly analyzing if the efforts are enough, being in touch no matter what (because your feelings demand so) than being bored of each other, not being in a state of constant anxiety (when apart) if the person is still dedicated to you as you are. Deeper connection, a promise of faithfulness, mutual respect of valuing each other’s place in life and validating it when required. Don’t take things for granted when given second chances. With time away, truly think of saving a relationship than moving on. It’s a very important responsibility you have that your partner entrusts you with
So how do you cope up?
Starting to cope doesn’t involve external actions such as extra-curricular activities, socializing with friends, or joining dating sites. Therefore, I wouldn’t recommend these approaches. Instead, it’s about recognizing the following
- Stay true to your feelings, never stop loving that person, and let yourself live through it. Don’t bottle your emotions; face them, no matter how painful they may be, and find your peace.
- In due course of time, you might see them with someone you never imagined or hear about things they did while they were with you from others. But remember, they chose to do those things, and they will choose to do it again. So, don’t fall prey to it.
- Recognize that second opportunities require wholehearted commitment from both, without any reservations. Anything less would amount to compromise.
- When you’re away, reflect on situations you overlooked for the sake of your relationships; you might be surprised to realize they were used to manipulate you.
- You chose them on the first place because love for you is a commitment no matter what the cost, but they did not.
- You’ll feel a constant pull towards them, but never forget why it ended and how they made you feel for the most times while you were together.
- God sees what you cannot, so don’t challenge that and accept its fate
I know breakups are incredibly tough, and it's always easier said than done. Every situation is different, every scenario is unique, but that is what love is for, it is worth fighting for. A relationship shouldn't just be strong when everything is going well; it should also endure the rough patches. Love encompasses sacrifices, compassion, understanding, patience, and trust, but it must never be underestimated because when that happens, you face a painful 'BREAKUP'.
